Forgotten Memories

Daily the deluge of doses keeps me hovering on low
I move slow I forget time and time forgets me
Where was I formed I wonder
The religious folks believe God made me but then who made God
What was before the Big Bang nothingness
Cold blackness an eternal vacuum of gloom
Oh if I could go back to the start of this crazy ass faction
I would pledge my soul for good
So many mean people in the world and they all suck
Love is hard to find to be kind
I wish to link together the chain of infinity
Bring back my heart from the brink of destruction
I wish to taste the wind
Climb the highest mountain K2
Stand on the summit and embrace the top of the world
Tranquility I seek thee rest on my naked body
Spring through my veins
My blood is boiling with disaster
Decrepit and retched I wish to escape the stink of my groin
The water it hurts me burns my skin
A sudden sting to ring it's a big thing
Let me ride that north shore wave to the border line of insanity
Take me in your mist you running Rapids
Hold me in your deepest of swells
Ride me to the desert sand hold my hand
On this bipolar roller coaster
Up up up and away
Down down down I feel my stomach sink my head is thrown back
I can't relax I need that avenue I can't find myself
A wander Jew a lost gypsy a timeless hippie
Oh if I could fling myself to the stars and soar on a Falcons wings
I want that birds eye view of the city skyline
Perch on the Freedom Tower dangle from the Empire State Building
Swing like Tarzan over quicksand
You will find me in your fantasy in that erased dream
Fast forward this world has no rewind
Take a selfie of your soul next time

Wayword Spiral

Digging in the trenches of my mind thoughts are like land mines
enter the deepest depth of a crazy solitude in the worst mood
happiness fails to find me even though I googled it many times
sadness lingers like a unwanted mole a thick scab has formed on my heart
looking for the turn off exit sign I'm stuck on the 95 from here to Florida
traffic is running bumper to bumper rubber necking
whom can I turn  to flee my sorrow staring at an avalanche of tomorrow's
everyday another dose of pills fills my body my brain turns numb
I dance in the deluge of my depression and wait to embrace the sweet tears
115 years old is the oldest person in the world what a torture chamber of misery that would be for me
I just try to hold on to survive the day
night time comes and some how I mange to peer my head up over the covers
yes my bed is my escape wishing to dream till I die
I dream of my mother with her face swiveling in my head
maybe I wish to join her for she has long since passed
her ashes sit in my apartment but yet her spirit consumes me
where might she be on this cold January night out of sight
if only I could shake this onslaught of madness
to be awakened from my nightmare released from the mess inside my skull
god dammit boy pull yourself up from your boot straps you may say
some may think it's not that bad but oh if you could spend the day inside my mind
you could see the darkness sink down the walls of my soul
slip down the throat of my heart and taste the bitterness of the moment
it gets harder to rise then it was yesterday it gets more difficult to decipher the condition of my mental
this journey that I have embarked on seems to have no jump off point no start no beginning
oh I know I started somewhere somehow with a sperm and an egg
but somewhere it all went south down hill with no brakes falling from 30,000 feet with no parachute
   

The Presence of Absence

Weather the warm storm of a heart flood mixed in mud blood
Blending the fore front of time
Howling in a dirty wind
Soaking in a nasty breeze
Peep show striptease
Everybody wants their lion share
Get your billions back America
Taxing the souls of taxpayers
Criminal minds say pay me in cash
Quick dash fuck you pay me
The invisible mantra of mayhem maybe the end
Stacks of old money run blue in the veins
Pull in the reins on the African jungle rain
Don't kill the beast of Crowley unleash the 666
Caught in the Devils mix does not exist
Too many waiting for that white Cadillac ride to the other side
Some wait for heaven others for Dantes inferno
Sporting a pitchfork and a halo
While I dream of the dead on a Cinco De Mayo Mexican Saturday night
My bones are dry my eyes won't cry
Silence slips through my finger tips
Somewhere along the line they clipped my angel wings
Buzz cut my spirit and tamed my crazy horse
I run off course in the land of the lost
Riding bare back in a Hopi sun
I wish to burn brightest on my long down fall
Into to next season intoxicated on words
Drunk off lust and high on crime
I sail into the black hole of the abyss with my eyes wide shut

Sweetly bitter

No end to the race no end to the chase caught again in the back of my mind playing with c4 hit the floor I got the sweetest moonshine from Alaska to baton rouge sure to make you body shake sometimes I wonder what will kill me make me die transpire show me the body of evidence maybe an accident or some lay wasting disease will get me makes me wonder when my time is going to be up no I wouldn't mine not waking up again being dead escaping my head for sure to vanish into the mist disappear like bang the Big Bang the big easy the big dead head how many more days on this long road of sorrows