Wayword Spiral

Digging in the trenches of my mind thoughts are like land mines
enter the deepest depth of a crazy solitude in the worst mood
happiness fails to find me even though I googled it many times
sadness lingers like a unwanted mole a thick scab has formed on my heart
looking for the turn off exit sign I'm stuck on the 95 from here to Florida
traffic is running bumper to bumper rubber necking
whom can I turn  to flee my sorrow staring at an avalanche of tomorrow's
everyday another dose of pills fills my body my brain turns numb
I dance in the deluge of my depression and wait to embrace the sweet tears
115 years old is the oldest person in the world what a torture chamber of misery that would be for me
I just try to hold on to survive the day
night time comes and some how I mange to peer my head up over the covers
yes my bed is my escape wishing to dream till I die
I dream of my mother with her face swiveling in my head
maybe I wish to join her for she has long since passed
her ashes sit in my apartment but yet her spirit consumes me
where might she be on this cold January night out of sight
if only I could shake this onslaught of madness
to be awakened from my nightmare released from the mess inside my skull
god dammit boy pull yourself up from your boot straps you may say
some may think it's not that bad but oh if you could spend the day inside my mind
you could see the darkness sink down the walls of my soul
slip down the throat of my heart and taste the bitterness of the moment
it gets harder to rise then it was yesterday it gets more difficult to decipher the condition of my mental
this journey that I have embarked on seems to have no jump off point no start no beginning
oh I know I started somewhere somehow with a sperm and an egg
but somewhere it all went south down hill with no brakes falling from 30,000 feet with no parachute