Wednesday, April 8, 2009

trapped in a travesty

And she's sniffing that whiffing that sniffing that whiffing that sniffing that

that, that, that, white shit, that good shit, that shit that makes you want to do back flips

its all in her nose like a fucking garden hose like a white powdered rose

that good shit, that snow, that china white, that blow, that nose candy, that boga sugar that coca cola

she’s fighting against herself against herself against her wealth against her health.

She's losing her mind this time, losing her mind this time, I think I am losing my mind this time, losing my mind

Its a back and forth to and fro blow for blow, its too much blow too much dough don't wanna be a mother fucking hoe sometimes that's how it goes when you got’s to get your blow

do you know how it feels to lose control of your soul, control of your soul something inside you folds not because its old filled with mold and negative holes something folds and crack like a black hole and you try and try can't bring it back

I wake up, I wake up and scream where the fuck am I at, I can't look forward and I can't get back, can't get back, get back, my get back has faded to black someone dropped ink on my map can't counter act am trapped i get bitch slapped by the facts

I am going to die no matter how hard I fucking try I am going to die, die, die

I take my vitamins, go to the local gym, check in with my doctor, but something inside of me keeps ticking and tell me it’s gonna end.

I wake up and sleep, eat, wash and rinse, repeat and put my big-ass feet on the filthy concrete

walk these streets, these streets and something inside of me bleeds I stare up at a sky I can barely see.

I want to remember everything about this place about your face about my life chase I grab every moment of my life and place it in a travel bag to take it with me, take it with me, I want to make, take these memories, these dreadlocks and smiles from strangers and the separation I feel that's real, take it with me, but take it where, take it where, where?

sometimes the space between me and you and you and i and me and you is so great so wide so deep so deafening that nothing can bridge it. I open my eyes to recall I am trapped inside myself unable to reach you unable to touch unable to grab you unable to really see you

I long for a day that this loneliness and isolation won't plague me like a virus

appear to live in my own world, exist in my own head until I am dead

Death is coming like a speeding comet like that stray bullet like that line drive that smashes your skull like that murder it’s coming - like the lotto numbers each day I wonder is today my lucky number hey you never know

never know when its your time to go, time to go, that last curtain call, that last trip to the mall, that last toke of weed, that last line of blow

time to go

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