I get so fucking tired of talking to machines
say stuff and they don’t know what I mean
get so vexed I scream
push cell phone buttons
press 0 for the operator but only get voice recognition software
again I start to swear
They program it in that slightly husky partly raspy a little sexy computer voice
Make your selection pick your choice
From the menu list
Press one for English for Spanish press 2
This is what I do but sometimes I still can’t get through
Press 4 for more options
You must speak proper English
This is its wish
Because if you don’t your call will be dismissed
So I listen to the options and try to press the buttons quickly
put the phone back to my ear so I can hear the next command
“I didn’t understand your response,” meaning elucidate
so I clear my throat and try again
seems like there’s no end
I need more patience to practice Zen
The machine drones along
I’ve been holding on so long
I raise my voice and say, “What the fuck is going on!”
I get peppered with questions
“I am sorry I did not understand that”
Is that cuz I talk too black?
Or maybe my speech is too slurred
I’m stumbling over my words
I say it for the third time
A waste of my time
The machine repeats the same line
It wants to know my birthday social security number ID pin what I ate for breakfast a list of all my sins
If I like Pepsi or Coke
Once again my answers are revoked
I start freaking out because I forgot the long list of choices
Press 3 for billing
Press 4 for tech support
Press 5 to repeat these options
Press * to speak to representative
Press 6 to update your account information
Press 7 to enter your birthday for example 11 04 1959
Press 8 just for the hell of it
Press 9 to end this call
I get placed on hold and my call gets dropped, then I have to call all over again
Monday, November 30, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Psychiatric Cocktail
CRANBERRY JUICE
ORANGE JUICE
MILK
3 PACKS OF SWEET & LOW
STIR BRISKLY WITH YELLOW FLEXIBLE STRAW
ORANGE JUICE
MILK
3 PACKS OF SWEET & LOW
STIR BRISKLY WITH YELLOW FLEXIBLE STRAW
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
0 NATION WIDE MINUTES
You got minutes left
roll over minutes
prepaid minutes
month to month
minute reminder
the machine tells me how many minutes I have left
minutes
60 seconds
60 tics of the clock
minutes
how many minutes do I have left in my life
60 minutes in an hour
24 hours in a day
1440 minutes in a day
525600 minutes in a year
In my life time I have lived 18921600 minutes
give or take a minute or two
19 million minutes have passed by
do I have 19 million more
or will my prepaid life plan expire
before I am finished talking walking living
life goes by, one minute two minutes
2 -30 second spots
every minute of life has value and worth
before my cell phone plan made me understand
each minute is priceless
I use to look at time in years
each moment is unique and original
how can I take time to enjoy the minutes left?
sometime soon my life will be a dropped call
0 nation wide minutes remaining
before I reach 0 minutes time
I want to do something great
something phenomenal
something that will be remembered for millions of minutes to come
because 0 minutes is coming
coming for sure I want 21 million more
matters how you use them wisely before things. . .
roll over minutes
prepaid minutes
month to month
minute reminder
the machine tells me how many minutes I have left
minutes
60 seconds
60 tics of the clock
minutes
how many minutes do I have left in my life
60 minutes in an hour
24 hours in a day
1440 minutes in a day
525600 minutes in a year
In my life time I have lived 18921600 minutes
give or take a minute or two
19 million minutes have passed by
do I have 19 million more
or will my prepaid life plan expire
before I am finished talking walking living
life goes by, one minute two minutes
2 -30 second spots
every minute of life has value and worth
before my cell phone plan made me understand
each minute is priceless
I use to look at time in years
each moment is unique and original
how can I take time to enjoy the minutes left?
sometime soon my life will be a dropped call
0 nation wide minutes remaining
before I reach 0 minutes time
I want to do something great
something phenomenal
something that will be remembered for millions of minutes to come
because 0 minutes is coming
coming for sure I want 21 million more
matters how you use them wisely before things. . .
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
1 800 273 8255
I called the suicide hotline a couple of times
because I was losing my mind
the guy was rude
had an attitude
I hung up and called back again
I think he didn't like it
got him again at 2am
he didn’t like the midnight shift
his attention began to drift
lots of calls to sift, he was afraid I’d end up a stiff
he wanted to stop me from ingesting a bottle of pills to kill myself
this certainly would not be good for my health
the guy on the suicide prevention line said Sir, please this is not a chat line
like my talking was wasting his time
he asked for my location
said he’d send an ambulance to my destination
get me out of the situation
I declined to say where I live
this information I would not give
he said he’d trace my number
I wondered how
did I have GPS on my phone?
I was on too much medication
Lamital Geodon Ambient and Trazadone
I got upset and nervous, I hung up the phone
would they come to get me?
I stared and stared at all my bottles of pills
Used all of my will anxiety filled
I struggled to put the bottle down
40 hours later I was found back in the psyche ward
on suicide watch 24/7 surrounded by guards and cops
Remeron and Ambient kept me chilling
I stayed on the ward for 9 short days
broke me out of my depression phase
hopeful to begin new ways
a new phrase in a new stage
because I was losing my mind
the guy was rude
had an attitude
I hung up and called back again
I think he didn't like it
got him again at 2am
he didn’t like the midnight shift
his attention began to drift
lots of calls to sift, he was afraid I’d end up a stiff
he wanted to stop me from ingesting a bottle of pills to kill myself
this certainly would not be good for my health
the guy on the suicide prevention line said Sir, please this is not a chat line
like my talking was wasting his time
he asked for my location
said he’d send an ambulance to my destination
get me out of the situation
I declined to say where I live
this information I would not give
he said he’d trace my number
I wondered how
did I have GPS on my phone?
I was on too much medication
Lamital Geodon Ambient and Trazadone
I got upset and nervous, I hung up the phone
would they come to get me?
I stared and stared at all my bottles of pills
Used all of my will anxiety filled
I struggled to put the bottle down
40 hours later I was found back in the psyche ward
on suicide watch 24/7 surrounded by guards and cops
Remeron and Ambient kept me chilling
I stayed on the ward for 9 short days
broke me out of my depression phase
hopeful to begin new ways
a new phrase in a new stage
Sunday, November 22, 2009
S.S.D
I head down to Social Security to get disability
they give me number 354B
there are a million people before me
they stumble around with canes
Joy says they’re not in pain
just playing games
I sit and wait
they call 664
he or she has disappeared from the floor
guess they got bored
calling 664
calling 664
last call for C664
everybody else ignores her call
the woman at the window shouts out through bullet proof glass
I overhear a conversation about a football game
I sit and wonder when they will call my number
will I get SSD for being insane and crazy?
because I don't have a cane just pain in my brain
I sit and space out and barely notice my number is flashed on the electronic
display
I dash from my chair the woman at the window wonders why the delay
she wants my Social Security number
she hits the computer keyboard with a few mouse clicks
132 68 6906
You applied before but you must do it once more
She gives me an interview date says don't be late
I Buy a banana cake
By mistake I get food stains on one of the papers
I question now that this process has begun
When will it be done?
As I leave the papers get blown down the street with a sudden breeze
I run around trying to retrieve
they give me number 354B
there are a million people before me
they stumble around with canes
Joy says they’re not in pain
just playing games
I sit and wait
they call 664
he or she has disappeared from the floor
guess they got bored
calling 664
calling 664
last call for C664
everybody else ignores her call
the woman at the window shouts out through bullet proof glass
I overhear a conversation about a football game
I sit and wonder when they will call my number
will I get SSD for being insane and crazy?
because I don't have a cane just pain in my brain
I sit and space out and barely notice my number is flashed on the electronic
display
I dash from my chair the woman at the window wonders why the delay
she wants my Social Security number
she hits the computer keyboard with a few mouse clicks
132 68 6906
You applied before but you must do it once more
She gives me an interview date says don't be late
I Buy a banana cake
By mistake I get food stains on one of the papers
I question now that this process has begun
When will it be done?
As I leave the papers get blown down the street with a sudden breeze
I run around trying to retrieve
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
DEATH COMES AT BREAKFAST
I wonder when I’ll be 6 feet under
we are all running out of time
running short on days minutes and seconds
inside most of us feel like we will never die
that’s the biggest lie
we hide in our days and bask in the moments of life
life envelops our five senses
another juncture commences
time does not last on a clock
as we cling to this earth rock
the world spins
that we live in
are you grounded in reality?
or lost in a fantasy
the presence of life is too much
I want to escape adopt a different consciousness that makes more sense
I get drowned in the routine of the daily diurnal mundane ho hum of the days outcome
I succumb to repetitiveness the dawn has spun
brushing my teeth going to the bathroom to seek bladder relief
on a common search for more peace
maybe it’s blowing in the southeasterly wind
existence overwhelms my senses from my dome piece
so much to see
so much to feel
so much to experience
running through my hands like water
I try to catch every raindrop
I smell the sweet scent of hyacinth blowing in a Washington Heights breeze
the rubber of my shoes feel the contact of the street
as I walk sweat starts to run slowly
gravity causes it to run down my rib cage
fully engaged in this surreal instant
I try to stay brave and ride the essence of this time wave
I see a new morning in the distance as I breathe in this illusion
this virtual reality smacks me like a hit from a crack pipe
like a line of potent coke
similar to sticky buds that make my lungs choke
here comes the 24/7 ready or not
what’s the nightly plot
I try to see the future and all I see is black licorice
the drapes are drawn on my tomorrows
I rack my brain to find out what follows
I get tracked by shadows and sorrows
sitting slumped on a concrete tree stump
on top of a garbage dump
gazing out at a foggy mist
hiding the sky from my eyes that evoke personal disasters
wondering what comes after
in the wake of a mental break I seek tranquility in a whirlwind of trouble
seeking something normal
in the midst of a cataclysmal event
seeking an early dismissal
will more calendars be thrown my way?
while I slowly decay akin to all the other animals humans that came before me
the end of me will end my humanity
I get filled with anxiety at the actuality that one day I will no longer be
my birth date was when I jumped out the womb gate into this matrix
I was an accident
parents had no intent to birth another child
I sit and stare at the clock
I watch my side burns and chin hairs turn gray
death is coming my way
I can't get around the fact that I will no longer hear sounds words that rush from my skull will be hushed for all eternity
a brief period to lament to resent then I drink it in and become sunset
my ears hear train sounds
death is not fair but it makes me more aware
we are all running out of time
running short on days minutes and seconds
inside most of us feel like we will never die
that’s the biggest lie
we hide in our days and bask in the moments of life
life envelops our five senses
another juncture commences
time does not last on a clock
as we cling to this earth rock
the world spins
that we live in
are you grounded in reality?
or lost in a fantasy
the presence of life is too much
I want to escape adopt a different consciousness that makes more sense
I get drowned in the routine of the daily diurnal mundane ho hum of the days outcome
I succumb to repetitiveness the dawn has spun
brushing my teeth going to the bathroom to seek bladder relief
on a common search for more peace
maybe it’s blowing in the southeasterly wind
existence overwhelms my senses from my dome piece
so much to see
so much to feel
so much to experience
running through my hands like water
I try to catch every raindrop
I smell the sweet scent of hyacinth blowing in a Washington Heights breeze
the rubber of my shoes feel the contact of the street
as I walk sweat starts to run slowly
gravity causes it to run down my rib cage
fully engaged in this surreal instant
I try to stay brave and ride the essence of this time wave
I see a new morning in the distance as I breathe in this illusion
this virtual reality smacks me like a hit from a crack pipe
like a line of potent coke
similar to sticky buds that make my lungs choke
here comes the 24/7 ready or not
what’s the nightly plot
I try to see the future and all I see is black licorice
the drapes are drawn on my tomorrows
I rack my brain to find out what follows
I get tracked by shadows and sorrows
sitting slumped on a concrete tree stump
on top of a garbage dump
gazing out at a foggy mist
hiding the sky from my eyes that evoke personal disasters
wondering what comes after
in the wake of a mental break I seek tranquility in a whirlwind of trouble
seeking something normal
in the midst of a cataclysmal event
seeking an early dismissal
will more calendars be thrown my way?
while I slowly decay akin to all the other animals humans that came before me
the end of me will end my humanity
I get filled with anxiety at the actuality that one day I will no longer be
my birth date was when I jumped out the womb gate into this matrix
I was an accident
parents had no intent to birth another child
I sit and stare at the clock
I watch my side burns and chin hairs turn gray
death is coming my way
I can't get around the fact that I will no longer hear sounds words that rush from my skull will be hushed for all eternity
a brief period to lament to resent then I drink it in and become sunset
my ears hear train sounds
death is not fair but it makes me more aware
Monday, November 2, 2009
THEBITCH
The daily stress gets on my chest
I’m constantly put to the test little time to rest
Another conquest as I invest in the mess
All this stress makes me scream to the extreme - let off some steam
too many battles and fisticuffs things get rough
Trying to break from the past wish it was faster but it’s an on going disaster
Need to get a break from all the mistakes that lie in my wake
Want to punch a hole in the world - rage catches me in a catastrophe
I try to break free with a help me plea
Problems swirl and bubble like a cooking stew never seem through
Solutions over do what can I do
Phone calls shrill in the middle of the night a psychopath haunts me - prods me for a fight
I shut off my cell and try to escape this mental rape
Patch me through to my descendant I resent your belligerent constant arguments
it makes no sense you dumb bitch follow the judges judgment
In court back and forth I seek an order of protection but receive a rejection
I get the word they refuse to serve but I am undeterred
March back to the injustice system with a lawyer in tow and a girlfriend to show
maybe this time they’ll listen
This time will be different
I need a significant change a break from the mentally deranged thinks I am insane
But she’s the one playing the games
Writing me letters - you know what it’s better we’re not together
Don’t pick up the phone if my son is not home all I want from you is to be left the hell alone
They all shall see you’re constantly calling me we have a stipulation to deal with this situation
I worry about my child with your rage your style so hostile you act like a spoiled child
The court will not condone your cover is blown
it shall be known you’re the one who’s crazy
I’m constantly put to the test little time to rest
Another conquest as I invest in the mess
All this stress makes me scream to the extreme - let off some steam
too many battles and fisticuffs things get rough
Trying to break from the past wish it was faster but it’s an on going disaster
Need to get a break from all the mistakes that lie in my wake
Want to punch a hole in the world - rage catches me in a catastrophe
I try to break free with a help me plea
Problems swirl and bubble like a cooking stew never seem through
Solutions over do what can I do
Phone calls shrill in the middle of the night a psychopath haunts me - prods me for a fight
I shut off my cell and try to escape this mental rape
Patch me through to my descendant I resent your belligerent constant arguments
it makes no sense you dumb bitch follow the judges judgment
In court back and forth I seek an order of protection but receive a rejection
I get the word they refuse to serve but I am undeterred
March back to the injustice system with a lawyer in tow and a girlfriend to show
maybe this time they’ll listen
This time will be different
I need a significant change a break from the mentally deranged thinks I am insane
But she’s the one playing the games
Writing me letters - you know what it’s better we’re not together
Don’t pick up the phone if my son is not home all I want from you is to be left the hell alone
They all shall see you’re constantly calling me we have a stipulation to deal with this situation
I worry about my child with your rage your style so hostile you act like a spoiled child
The court will not condone your cover is blown
it shall be known you’re the one who’s crazy
THE DEAL
We jumped that iron horse on a southbound course
Heading to the east village on a bombing run and a drug deal yeah for real
Weed runs out - marijuana drought
wanna cop that ounce that O Z of fresh trees
to place in the pipe and light
it's late night
the east village is packed
with bar hopping wolf packs
we weave thru the mass mad fast
She did not tell the dude I was coming
dealers can get crazy paranoid
new costumers and new people they try 2 avoid
they sometimes get annoyed
She rings his bell he answers cuz he wants this sell
The lobby door opens we enter the center like entertainers
bending the first floor corner
He opens the apartment door weed smoke mixed with cigarettes cancer and a contact high is what I can get
smoke hangs in the stank windowless apartment that resembles the bat cave
He eyes me suspiciously she quickly introduces me plainly
He pulls up a dirty white chair so I sit there
Weights and a total gym are strewn around the tiny one bedroom
covered in doom
colors of gray and black clash with a large off white abstract oil painting
his abode is blanketed in joint ash
the painting rises above his head with a jagged slash
he sits on a black disheveled couch scattered with miscellaneous papers
the painting peaks like a white smoky mountain
the domicile is eclipse with dusty trash
she passes him the cash
in exchange he gives over a portion of his stash
He’s watching cable TV of people fighting with swords fire hoses and karate
he sits up and rolls a thick dope doobie
it’s nearly perfect like a cigarette
time passes instantaneously
the J gets past and burns fast
I give him a sticker
He flings it on the jumble of papers
She is feeling the high the next swap no is the reply
We say later to the guy and hello to a get high
Heading to the east village on a bombing run and a drug deal yeah for real
Weed runs out - marijuana drought
wanna cop that ounce that O Z of fresh trees
to place in the pipe and light
it's late night
the east village is packed
with bar hopping wolf packs
we weave thru the mass mad fast
She did not tell the dude I was coming
dealers can get crazy paranoid
new costumers and new people they try 2 avoid
they sometimes get annoyed
She rings his bell he answers cuz he wants this sell
The lobby door opens we enter the center like entertainers
bending the first floor corner
He opens the apartment door weed smoke mixed with cigarettes cancer and a contact high is what I can get
smoke hangs in the stank windowless apartment that resembles the bat cave
He eyes me suspiciously she quickly introduces me plainly
He pulls up a dirty white chair so I sit there
Weights and a total gym are strewn around the tiny one bedroom
covered in doom
colors of gray and black clash with a large off white abstract oil painting
his abode is blanketed in joint ash
the painting rises above his head with a jagged slash
he sits on a black disheveled couch scattered with miscellaneous papers
the painting peaks like a white smoky mountain
the domicile is eclipse with dusty trash
she passes him the cash
in exchange he gives over a portion of his stash
He’s watching cable TV of people fighting with swords fire hoses and karate
he sits up and rolls a thick dope doobie
it’s nearly perfect like a cigarette
time passes instantaneously
the J gets past and burns fast
I give him a sticker
He flings it on the jumble of papers
She is feeling the high the next swap no is the reply
We say later to the guy and hello to a get high
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Can it get any worse?
When the shit hits the fan it makes your whole life stink
My landlord wants to evict me because I have a mental illness and write wall poetry
My job is trying to fire me while I am on sick leave
My X wife constantly calls to harass me and leaves 21 messages all of them equally nasty
My X girl friend who is my coworker made up a story that I verbally attacked her and blocked the door so she could not leave
She texted and called me endlessly
I told her quietly politely please I am sick don’t bother me
She told me she was going to throw out all my shit and promptly
I am under investigation for saying fuck while teaching for the department of education
I am $30,000 dollars in debt
I owe Steel Gym, Chase credit card, HSBC, Time Warner Cable, my divorce lawyer and Con Edison
Dr Jane Saltzman my general practitioner who should not be practicing medicine
Refused to listen to me told me to go to emergency immediately when I called her to discuss my condition she hung up on me refused me the medication that I need to function normally her Hippocratic oath is hypocrisy
My x psychiatrist refused to give me the medical papers for my job and every time I went to see her she brought out papers for me to sign myself into the local psychiatric facility
I have heavy withdrawal from Lexipro itching, scratching, chills and cold the prototypical results of a junkie going cold
My new Psychiatrist switches my medicine to Geodon at first it feels like a godsend
But then its many side effects kicked in
Vomiting diarrhea and deep colon shit that seem like there was no end to its excretions
After that night of shitting I lost around 10 pounds
Pacing the house with sudden energy I did not know who I was momentarily
I have a mental illness so it’s harder for me to exist that’s why I scream stop this society
My landlord wants to evict me because I have a mental illness and write wall poetry
My job is trying to fire me while I am on sick leave
My X wife constantly calls to harass me and leaves 21 messages all of them equally nasty
My X girl friend who is my coworker made up a story that I verbally attacked her and blocked the door so she could not leave
She texted and called me endlessly
I told her quietly politely please I am sick don’t bother me
She told me she was going to throw out all my shit and promptly
I am under investigation for saying fuck while teaching for the department of education
I am $30,000 dollars in debt
I owe Steel Gym, Chase credit card, HSBC, Time Warner Cable, my divorce lawyer and Con Edison
Dr Jane Saltzman my general practitioner who should not be practicing medicine
Refused to listen to me told me to go to emergency immediately when I called her to discuss my condition she hung up on me refused me the medication that I need to function normally her Hippocratic oath is hypocrisy
My x psychiatrist refused to give me the medical papers for my job and every time I went to see her she brought out papers for me to sign myself into the local psychiatric facility
I have heavy withdrawal from Lexipro itching, scratching, chills and cold the prototypical results of a junkie going cold
My new Psychiatrist switches my medicine to Geodon at first it feels like a godsend
But then its many side effects kicked in
Vomiting diarrhea and deep colon shit that seem like there was no end to its excretions
After that night of shitting I lost around 10 pounds
Pacing the house with sudden energy I did not know who I was momentarily
I have a mental illness so it’s harder for me to exist that’s why I scream stop this society
I AM DUBBLEX
When the shit hits the fan it makes your whole life stink
My landlord wants to evict me because I have a mental illness and write wall poetry
My job is trying to fire me while I am on sick leave
My X wife constantly calls to harass me and leaves 21 messages all of them equally nasty
My X girl friend who is my coworker made up a story that I verbally attacked her and blocked the door so she could not leave
She texted and called me endlessly
I told her quietly politely please I am sick don’t bother me
She told me she was going to throw out all my shit and promptly
I am under investigation for saying fuck while teaching for the department of education
I am $30,000 dollars in debt
I owe Steel Gym, Chase credit card, HSBC, Time Warner Cable, my divorce lawyer and Con Edison
Dr Jane Saltzman my general practitioner who should not be practicing medicine
Refused to listen to me told me to go to emergency immediately when I called her to discuss my condition she hung up on me refused me the medication that I need to function normally her Hippocratic oath is hypocrisy
My x psychiatrist refused to give me the medical papers for my job and every time I went to see her she brought out papers for me to sign myself into the local psychiatric facility
I have heavy withdrawal from Lexipro itching, scratching, chills and cold the prototypical results of a junkie going cold
My new Psychiatrist switches my medicine to Geodon at first it feels like a godsend
But then its many side effects kicked in
Vomiting diarrhea and deep colon shit that seem like there was no end to its excretions
After that night of shitting I lost around 10 pounds
Pacing the house with sudden energy I did not know who I was momentarily
I have a mental illness so it’s harder for me to exist that’s why I scream stop this society
My landlord wants to evict me because I have a mental illness and write wall poetry
My job is trying to fire me while I am on sick leave
My X wife constantly calls to harass me and leaves 21 messages all of them equally nasty
My X girl friend who is my coworker made up a story that I verbally attacked her and blocked the door so she could not leave
She texted and called me endlessly
I told her quietly politely please I am sick don’t bother me
She told me she was going to throw out all my shit and promptly
I am under investigation for saying fuck while teaching for the department of education
I am $30,000 dollars in debt
I owe Steel Gym, Chase credit card, HSBC, Time Warner Cable, my divorce lawyer and Con Edison
Dr Jane Saltzman my general practitioner who should not be practicing medicine
Refused to listen to me told me to go to emergency immediately when I called her to discuss my condition she hung up on me refused me the medication that I need to function normally her Hippocratic oath is hypocrisy
My x psychiatrist refused to give me the medical papers for my job and every time I went to see her she brought out papers for me to sign myself into the local psychiatric facility
I have heavy withdrawal from Lexipro itching, scratching, chills and cold the prototypical results of a junkie going cold
My new Psychiatrist switches my medicine to Geodon at first it feels like a godsend
But then its many side effects kicked in
Vomiting diarrhea and deep colon shit that seem like there was no end to its excretions
After that night of shitting I lost around 10 pounds
Pacing the house with sudden energy I did not know who I was momentarily
I have a mental illness so it’s harder for me to exist that’s why I scream stop this society
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